I'm Here
by Amora Risa
Summary: ONE-SHOT. Barriss is assigned to Anakin Skywalker while her master is away on a mission. Watching Anakin and Ahsoka interact, she discovers that maybe there's more to the relationship of a master and a padawan than she had ever thought.


**I'M HERE**

At first she just ignored it. She might have not heard right. No, Ahsoka had indeed the heart of a rebel, but even she couldn't be calling her master by his first name.

Then she heard her again. 

"Anakin will meet us there" was her spontaneous response when she asked her about the plan. 

"Oh… Good" was all Barriss could say, trying to hide her awkwardness and her intense disapproval of such casual language when referring to one's instructor. 

She could never imagine calling her own master "Luminara". No, she was always "master Unduli" to her. And she was assigned to her much, much longer than Ahsoka was assigned to master Skywalker! That did not give her the right to act against common sense of propriety and respect! 

Over the course of their two weeks together in a mission, Barriss had taken some time to notice her friend, even compare her to her own self. Ahsoka was certainly nothing like the typical Jedi padawan. She did have many virtues, but very few among them that could or should be attributed to a Jedi. There was a notably vivid lack of patience and tranquility in her. Her manners often implied defiance and recklessness, and she smiled too much. 

"So, how many battle droids did you take down, Skyguy?" the young Togruta teasingly asked her master after a battle, and Barriss could not believe her ears! 

She thought a reprimanding comment from master Skywalker's side would follow, concerning both her insolent tone and her viewing of the battle as a game, and she didn't feel comfortable to watch her fellow padawan reprimanded by her master. 

However, the noted General, much to her surprise and disappointment, not only poked his student, but replied cheerfully: 

"Too many, Snips. Lost count". 

Ahoska snorted. 

"Sure! You just don't want to tell me, because you know I destroyed more! Like last time, on Christophsis". 

_"So this little game of theirs is an established procedure"_ Barriss thought. 

"If that's what you want to believe, it's okay. I just wanted to be humble and not cause you to feel overwhelmed by my superiority" the master said. 

After a few more lines of pure bickering, master Skywalker turned to Barriss. 

"How about you, Barriss? Anything particular you would like to share with us?" 

She would have preferred him to call her "Padawan Offee", but right now that was the least of her concerns. She just said that she was fine, and that she would be off to her quarters, however still in his service whenever he would need her. 

_"If master Unduli was here, she would have rolled her eyes and requested a private conversation with 'Skyguy'_" Barriss thought to herself, as she was walking away from a master and apprentice duo that exchanged heavy fire of insults and teasing comments. She preferred the battle droids. 

Dinner was not any better. Not because of the same old garbage they had to eat. That was the best part of it. 

The young Togruta would take her plate (full of stuff she probably wouldn't eat) and jump in the seat right beside her master. Bold of her. Barriss wouldn't even seat in the same table as master Unduli. 

Barriss always thought of dinner as a peaceful time. She would never forget her master's usual phrase: "When one eats, he doesn't talk". 

As to Ahsoka and Skywalker… Well, that saying absolutely didn't apply to them. Not only did they laugh and gossip during dinner time, but they had to do it while chewing! 

And right when Barriss thought it couldn't get any worse, master Skywalker began a series of imitations starting with clone captain Rex, followed by a ridiculous impression of Jedi master Yoda, and concluding with a very angry master Kenobi's lecture. Of course, Ahsoka was uncontrollably laughing out loud during the entire show. 

_"What an amazing example of showing respect to captains and members of the Jedi Council!" _Barriss thought and tried to pretend like she wasn't hearing any of these. 

And as if that wasn't enough, both master and apprentice would eat of each other's plates! 

_"Sure! We don't have a buffet, he must take more food directly from Ahsoka's plate! Forget all about propriety, that's disgusting!"_

And of course that was not the end of it. 

"Master, can I use your knife? Mine is not sharp enough" Ahsoka asked. 

"Sure, Snips, go on. But is it the knife's fault or you are simply not strong enough to cut the meat?" 

"My master, I reassure you I can handle a knife. After all, I can handle a lightsaber". 

"Are you using reverse grip with the knife as well?" master Skywalker smirked. 

"Maybe I should. Besides, I am really good at it". 

"Debatable". 

"Is that so?" she tried to sound offended. "Well, you are my teacher". 

"Can't do miracles, Snips. How can I work with such material?" 

The exceedingly interesting exchange of dialogue was interrupted by captain Rex's voice on Skywalker's comlink. There was an urgent announcement for them from master Unduli. 

The three of them left the dining hall and headed towards the communication center. There stood a blue hologram of Barriss's master. 

"General Skywalker, padawans Tano and Offee, I hope you are doing well. Unfortunately, I have bad news to share. The blockade here on Corellia is still on. The situation is getting worse by the minute. It seems I won't be returning to the Temple any time soon. Master Skywalker, it appears my padawan will have to stay under your supervision for a little longer. I understand that it is an inconvenience, but unfortunately it cannot be avoided. It's far too dangerous here for a padawan". 

"Don't worry, master. Barriss will be fine here. You know how our girls get along. I really hope you and master Fisto manage to find a solution there soon". 

"Let's hope we will. On another note, the Council has asked me to deliver a message to you. Master Koon needs reinforcements on Ryloth. You are to be transferred there". 

"But what about our mission here?" Ahsoka interrupted. "I mean, of course I am willing to help master Plo and I'll be incredibly happy to see him, but happens here? We can't just leave!" 

"The Council has made a decision, young one" master Unduli answered. "It's not our place to question it. Besides, in such times of war, there are priorities, sacrifices that must be made". 

"You don't understand, master! What about the village? And the leader, and… all of those people who have put their faith in us? We are their only hope! We can't—" 

"Ahsoka", her master's voice and a gentle pat on the shoulder calmed her down. "We will talk about it later, okay?" 

Ahsoka most unwillingly nodded, with a worried expression on her face, and didn't utter a word for the rest of the transmission. Barriss could feel the Force tensing around her friend. 

"Now, before you set course for Ryloth, is there anything you would like to report, my padawan?" master Unduli turned to Barriss. 

"Not particularly. Everything here is fine" she replied with a serious tone to her voice. 

"Your exercises? Are you training enough? Are you meditating?" 

"Yes, master, of course. Just like you instructed me". 

"Very well. Continue to do so". 

Imagine if master Skywalker was her master and she had to give report to him! She would have to inform him about what she had eaten, how did she spend her spare time, how many battle droids she had taken down, how much did she sleep, how the weather was… All those stupid details she had heard Ahsoka and her master talk about, details no one in their right minds cared about! Thank the Force she wasn't his apprentice! 

"I must leave you now" master Luminara Unduli continued. "You have a long journey ahead. May the Force be with you". 

"May the Force be with you too, master" Anakin said. 

As soon as the transmission stopped, a very restless Ahsoka ran out of the room, gasping heavily. 

Her master's eyes followed her with a hint of sadness and worry. 

"Excuse me, Barriss" he told her with a voice so silent, almost a whisper, and went after Ahsoka. 

Barriss too was concerned about their current mission, but she could never behave the way Ahsoka did. Sure, there were people who needed them, but they shouldn't be attached to them. All she could do was obey her master's orders. She couldn't afford to be another burden to master Skywalker. 

Their journey started promptly, they didn't have much time to lose. Not even to say goodbye to the villagers. But Barriss was used to it. Travelling constantly from one place to another. Never really bonding with anyone on the mean time. Ahsoka would have to learn that too sooner or later. For her own good. 

Besides, if she wanted to be honest with herself, she was relieved they were leaving. It was not the Jedi's business to meddle in the planet's internal affairs. Not that she was going to complain about it or make her disapproval obvious. No, she had never said anything against the Council's decision, and she didn't plan to begin to. 

The hours passed. Barriss was in her quarters aboard the ship, sitting on the floor, trying to meditate, when all of a sudden Ahsoka burst into her room, full of enthusiasm, in a much different mood since the last time she saw her. 

"Hey, Barriss! Want to—Oh, sorry, were you meditating? Should… should I pass by later?" 

"It's alright, Ahsoka. What is it?" 

"Nothing special, I just came by to tell you that my master and I are going to see the new piloting systems on the ship. How cool is that!" 

_"So, now she is fine. Her master really managed to cheer her up" _Barriss thought. 

"He said he's even going to let me pilot, if no one's around to see us! Wanna join us?" 

"Thank you for your kind offer, however I would like to continue my meditation" she replied firmly. 

"Sure, maybe some other time then" Ahsoka said, trying to hide her obvious wonder at how could one prefer meditation to a piloting adventure, and then left, leaving Barriss at peace. 

Or so she thought. 

Instead of trying to connect with the Force, Barriss spent most of her time thinking how inappropriate Ahsoka's behavior towards her master was. And it made her angry! How could she be so casual and playful around him? However, she was still young and all this impertinent behavior could be justified, but her master's encouragement was beyond any excuse. It was a rumor widely spread, and now she was able to realize it herself: the Chosen One was not ready for a padawan. And Ahsoka had to pay the consequences. 

However, the Force had a change of mind waiting for her in store. And it was not going to be pleasant for her… 

"Barriss? Can I have a word with you?" 

That was going to be the end of her. Sure, she didn't have a high appreciation of master Skywalker, but right now he had every reason and right to scold her. 

Her actions on the Ryloth battle-field had been catastrophic for the rest of their team. The plan was executed poorly on her behalf and that had cost them an important victory. 

And while the effects of Barriss' error on the outcome of the battle could be described, the effects on her own self could not. The Force around her was screaming desperately, she couldn't hide her guilt, her hatred for what she had done, even for herself! 

Ahsoka's comforting words were useless. Barriss knew they weren't true, she only wanted to make her feel better. 

As for master Skywalker's words… she would soon have to discover them. 

She followed him into an empty room. He sat in a chair and nodded for her to sit across him. She would have preferred to stand still, but she obeyed. 

Barriss would not look him in the eye. Her gaze was fixed at the floor and she could sense her whole body trembling. The only thing that surpassed her guilt was the agony about how was master Skywalker going to talk to her. Master Unduli had reprimanded her many times about mistakes she made in the field, but she had the feeling that now with master Skywalker it was going to be totally different. 

"Master Skywalker, I should have fought better. I know I wasn't good enough and you'd be right to be mad at me about the battle, because—" 

"Barriss, I'm not here to talk about the battle, I'm here to talk about you" he cut her off, but in a calm way. 

Those words left her bewildered. What could he possibly have to say to her that didn't have to do with the battle? And even if it were so, what was the importance of it? 

"Barriss, can you please look at me?" Skywalker said with a voice so soft and gentle, that almost broke her heart. 

She immediately obeyed and looked into his deep blue eyes. He didn't look angry, nor ready to make a never-ending speech about warzone. His expression seemed so… understanding, so compassionate. She had never seen him like that. Or maybe she had never noticed he could be like that. And for a moment there, she forgot she was facing a Jedi, a General, a superior. He was just a human. And she wasn't a Padawan, a Commander or a Jedi. She was nothing but a sad girl. 

"Some battles we win, some battles we lose. What is important to me is that you are fine. Barriss, it's okay to make mistakes" he whispered. "You are only learning, no one can expect you to be perfect". 

That sure confused her. She didn't believe it would go that way. 

"Mistakes will happen" he continued. "And that applies to everyone. Even me, imagine that!" he tried to make her laugh, but it didn't work. "You shouldn't suffer in guilt, especially now that we can fix it. I promise you, it will all be alright in the end". 

With the sound of those words, it felt like a huge burden was lifted off from her. No one had ever talked to her like that. 

"Master, I… I…" 

She could not continue beyond that. 

"I understand that you may be feeling lonely without your master. It's only natural to miss her and feel uncomfortable away from her. I know, I've felt it too. Many times actually. I honestly hope that you will soon join her again. But until then, I'll try to do my best to fill in her place. I'm not saying I'll be perfect, I'm not Kenobi material, but I hope it will be enough. And even when your master does return, and you are back in the Temple, or in a mission, or wherever you are… just know that you can come and talk to me. Anything you need, if I can help you. And well, you might wonder… why would you need me when you have master Unduli, one of the greatest? I suppose you'd be right, but anyway, I'm here". 

A few moments of silence passed. But they were not filled with awkwardness, rather that tranquillity, peacefulness in the Force. Barriss tried to open her mouth, in a desperate attempt to reply with her most sincere gratitude. 

"Thank you, I… I am…" 

Her voice was trembling more than a leaf in a windy day. Her hands too. And before she could realize it, she had burst into tears. She couldn't explain why, she couldn't stop it! She hadn't cried like this since she was a little girl. 

She felt Anakin's hand rubbing softly her shoulder, and that urged her to cry more. She knew it was okay to do so. 

"Come on, it's alright" he kindly consoled her. 

For a brief moment, she wanted to bury her face into his chest, like she had seen Ahsoka do a few days ago when she was upset. Then Barriss had thought that it was inappropriate of her, yet now she felt like she needed to do the same, and moreover she somehow knew that Anakin wouldn't mind. But she wouldn't dare. Instead, she just hid her face in her own arms. 

"Your master is going to be fine. You'll see, she will come back soon". 

He thought she was crying because she was missing her master. He was wrong. 

She was crying because, even if only for one moment, she realized she was wrong. About Ahsoka, about Anakin, about manners and propriety, about everything! Maybe it wasn't that bad to have someone to show you he cares. Now she understood better. And maybe… just maybe… she was a little bit jealous of Ahsoka. 

He didn't say anything for the next minutes. He was just sitting there beside her. But Barriss could sense it through the Force. Anakin was sad too! And that meant the world for her. 

"You can stay here if you'd like to be alone for a while. Nobody will disturb you. However, whenever you feel ready, you can join me and Ahsoka at the main hall for some card playing, if you want". 

"Thank you, master" she replied with a hoarse voice. 

He gave her a friendly, bright smile and left. 

Maybe she had not done him justice. Yes, he was childish and quite… unorthodox for a Jedi. But he could also be kind and compassionate. Sure, he wasn't always following the Code, especially when it came to attachments. But was that so bad? 

After a few minutes, Barriss stood up. She was feeling dizzy after crying, but also reborn. And thinking about what had just happened, her lips couldn't help but form a slight but true smile. 

She left the room and reached the entrance leading to the main hall. She stood there silent, in the dark. There were Anakin and Ahsoka. She could hear their laughs from all over the end of the side hall. 

Ahsoka was lucky to have him. She had misjudged her too. She wasn't spoiled or defiant. She was just a kid having fun with her master. With her friend. 

But Barriss knew she could never be like her. She passed by without entering the main hall. She knew that if she joined them, it would only cause her pain when her master would return and she would be alone once again. But it was okay. Because she was grateful for the few weeks she spent under master Skywalker's supervision. Not because he was considered to be the Chosen One, nor because he had the highest midichlorian count and was one of the best duelists and generals of the war. Just because he had told her some very simple words, with a huge meaning: 

"I'm here".


End file.
